The Month of Kislev
by Nalini Ibragimov
I was listening to a number of eulogies and interviews this past week, trying to connect to the souls of our two great spiritual leaders who passed on to the next world – Rabbi Dovid Feinstein of the Lower East Side in Manhattan and Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks of London. Reflecting on the void with which we are left, I was struck by how these two leaders had the unique capability to connect and inspire the very mixed tapestry of the Jewish nation and beyond.In one interview, Rabbi Sacks was asked if he had ever experienced a crisis of faith, if he ever confronted doubt and uncertainty. He responded emphatically, that he has had many many crises of faith. However, his crises of faith were never in the Master of the Universe, but rather, in humanity. How that sentiment resonated with me, I cannot fully express. He so eloquently described how he never expected the impossible from God and that he understood that God put each of us here for a reason and that our job is to discern that reason and push forward.Rabbi Sacks then spoke about the defining moment in that regard being parshat Chayei Sarah, the parsha we just read this past week. After Avraham loses his beloved wife Sara at the age of 137, he recalls God’s three promises that were made to him – the land of Israel, as many children as the stars of the sky and sand on the seashore, and that Avraham would be the father of many nations. Avraham had only one son that he saw as an heir to his spiritual lineage at the time, just Yitzchak, a far cry from the infinite number of descendants. He had a small plot for burial within the land of Israel and no nation that he could foresee. What did Avraham do at that moment when he should have had a crisis of faith? How did Avraham come to terms with his expectations of God?Avraham got up and took action. He made sure his son got married so he could have grandchildren and married a second wife, Ketura. He had six more children who became the fathers of many nations.Avraham’s response was not expecting God to do it for him. Rather, Avraham realized that God expected Avraham to do the hard work for God. Rabbi Sacks concluded that once he came to that understanding, he never had a crisis of faith. Mic drop.Rosh Chodesh Kislev always falls when the days are shortest. The darkness can be all-encompassing, it can feel like there’s no escape. I have all these expectations, longings and desires for things to change, to be different, for promises to be fulfilled. Instead of waiting for God to make it happen, perhaps we need to take that responsibility and really step up to the plate. Even more so when it seems impossible, in the darkest of times.Kislev is made up of two words – kis, pocket and lev, heart. My teacher, Rebbetzin Tehilla Jaeger, taught me that when we experience pain and we have to move forward, to make a pocket in our heart. We must acknowledge and feel the pain. We don’t ignore it, we carry it with us. But we put it in a pocket in our heart and do the job of our soul which was gifted with life in this world. We take the steps needed to bring the light and dispel the darkness.Hashem’s silence is never abandonment. It is confidence in us.This Kislev I made a pocket in my heart. It holds the pain of losing our great Torah leaders. It holds the pain of my dear friends who are suffering in their inner spaces. And I hope that I can take the proper steps that God expects of me to bring the light of goodness and Godliness in this world.Chodesh tov, may it be a month of true illumination.